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Someone you might have been - Fleshflutter OK. So. Yeah. This book.

I only add fanfic to the goodreads database if I actually like it. There is lots of dross I've read lately that is languishing on my hard drive and it won't be my doing if it ever sees the light of day here. The reason is, that while I enjoy getting my snark on, I like to save it for stories that have been beta'd, submitted, edited, revised, accepted, edited, revised, published, marketed, been paid actual money for and that still manage to suck donkeyballs.

If you write a bad fanfic, that sucks for me, but you didn't write it for me in particular, and you and your friends had fun with it, and hey, I didn't pay for it, and since I am not going to recommend it to any of my fellow fanfic fan friends (I win at alliteration!), why would I crucify you on goodreads? It seems a waste of time. So only the ones I like end up here and I am rounding UP! Because some of you have spent a godawful amount of time, effort and talent on these and I love reading the results. For Free.

That is my very long-winded introduction to explain that, by waiting to list this book on goodreads, I missed out on sharing a long string of increasingly hysterical status updates. This is approximately what they might have looked like (and no, I have no gifs, but if you care send me some appropriate ones, I'd be happy to edit them in later, Lenore). Percentages are total crapshoots.

5% - Jared is a cross between Hsin Vega, a slobbering happy labrador puppy and a gay Johnny Bravo. This is like the Disney version of ICoS. Only the speedos are smaller.

animated-gif
animated-gifs.org

20% - OK, I get it, Jared, you're awesome. Can you shut up about it now?

35% - Seriously dude. My kindle says the word 'awesome' is used 40 times in this book. This seems low, because you've used it at least 35 times already. Maybe you stop being awesome soon. That would be good.

40% - Total sapfest. This is getting boring. Not sure I can make it through another 60% of this.

41% - Whoa. Wait. What?!? That can't be right. He didn't. He did?!? Oh shit!

45% - Hellooooo, Chad, baby! You adorable foul-mouthed asswipe, you.

56% - Yeah, that's totally justified survivor porn.

60% - Wow. You truly are a despicable human being. Lovely boyfriend material.

63% - Fuck, Jared! You could have taken 5 seconds to blow his kneecap out before you jumped into the Danube to save Chad! You fuckwit!

68% - "Congratulations. You just lost two-point-five-million dollars and an advanced tech microchip, and you moaned like a whore through the whole thing." It's ON now, baby! Bring it, Jensen!

78% - Fuck yeah, Ugly Earring!

90% - O.O
No. That can't be right. Seriously?!? ALL this and then this?!? You've got to be fucking kidding me! Why is this file even on my kindle? Who sent me this thing? *searches 9734 messages in the inbox* Eisheth!!! What the hell, girl?!?

95% - Why am I still reading this? Do I LIKE stabbing needles in my eyes? No. No, I don't.

98% - OK, so that totally would not work, but I don't fucking care! I'll take it! Realism can go screw itself.

100% - Next: appointment with the chiropractor for emotional whiplash. Then: figure out who Sam and Dean are, because Fleshflutter wrote a bunch of fanfics about them. Actually, who cares who they are? It's not like I've ever watched Supernatural.



So yeah. This one is recommended. Unless you're going to bitch and moan how it is just not realistic. In that case, do me a favor and don't read it.