Les Aventures De Léna Léna

I turned down two offers of going out for pie for this, so it had better be bad in a good way.

Kate:

Um

Pie is hard to beat. No promises.

I have a new bottle of wine. I have the book. Let's do this!

LenaLena:

I have vodka.

Go!

Kate:

What's an exotic dramatic entrance?

LenaLena:

'Liam's mates cranked their heads around and took gingerly steps sideways to put some space between them and him, their eyebrows high and curious.'

And we have achieved awkward phrasing on page one.

LenaLena:

Kate wrote: "What's an exotic dramatic entrance?"

I guess he's wearing a lei.

Kate:

Ooh. A space station where guys walk around in minimal clothing. I could get into this.

LenaLena:

Strong sexy indentations in his butt!

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "'Liam's mates cranked their heads around and took gingerly steps sideways to put some space between them and him, their eyebrows high and curious.'

And we have achieved awkward phrasing right off ..."

Yeah that caught my attention too. But the cheesiness is promising.

LenaLena:

I sense many superfluous adjectives in our immediate future!

Kate:

The whole picture is awesome. Worthy of a bodice ripper cover.

LenaLena:

Like 'handsomely chiseled'.

Kate:

How about the provocative tattoo--disappearing into the low slung black leather breeches?

All is good.

Kate:

The Kury's presence made the other males on the dock stand taller and flex their muscles.

LenaLena:

Oh good, Liam has imposing physique too. I was afraid we wouldn't get enough muscles in this book.

Flex them, baby!

LenaLena:

Choking on testosterone already!

Kate:

But he has a bright boyish grin, so we know nothing really bad will happen to the pretty semi-naked Kury.

LenaLena:

Oh dresk!

I love made up curse words. Not.

Kate:

God such corny language:

you could not expect a stud of the Kury's magnitude to stride into the corral without the resident stallions breathing a little fire.

This is awesome.

LenaLena:

Hubba hubba!

LenaLena:

More adjectives for the Kury. As if we'd forgotten what he looked like in the last 5 minutes.

Kate:

Who has the blatant dislike for Talon? Liam or Ragsdale? Confusing sentence.

LenaLena:

They were both pure alpha males.

I think we're supposed to drop our panties now.

LenaLena:

Oh goodie. Liam gets described again too. The author thinks we suffer from short term memory loss. Again on the boyish and devilish smile.

Kate:

So why don't knives fail to go through these personal force shields?

*panties still on. laughing too hard at the cartooniness*

LenaLena:

Does one carry beacons as a rule?

Kate:

Uh oh. Evil Lurkers! *pewpewpewpew---'Splosions!!*

LenaLena:

Good point about the knives. Yes on the bullets but no on the knives? Odd.

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "Does one carry beacons as a rule?"

I always have mine within reach. You never know when an EPIRB will come in handy.

LenaLena:

Liam Grey presented a personal threat beyond any peril his warrior's heart could fathom....

Purple much?

Kate:

Ah, noble Liam. Self sacrificing, always in the right place at the right time for the good of all Liam. I'm pretty sure this is a remake of Top Gun. Which one is Cruise?

LenaLena:

Maverick/Ice Man fanfic?

Kate:

Lots of purple

Also reminders of long flowing hair and tight muscle hugging leather breeches.

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "Maverick/Ice Man fanfic?" That works

LenaLena:

Talon is Ice Man, of course.

Kate:

Liam’s scent filled his nostrils, dark, earthy, male. Liam’s weight pressed down on him. Liam’s big hands and mightily thewed arms kept him immobile. Liam’s broad hairy chest pressed against his, heaving with his deep breaths.

Uh huh. IRRResistable. Are your eyes rolling yet?

LenaLena:

Dang it, I am already behind. I just finished the PEWPEWPEW. No sexytimes yet.

Kate:

No sexy times. Just wrestling match which becomes too much Liam alpha dominance for Talon to handle.

LenaLena:

Got it. They just started that.

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "Talon is Ice Man, of course."

Yes, yes. Liam is the boyish Maverick with the roguish smile. Of course.

Kate:

Talon had fallen into something deep and now he was in over his head. Talon never feared deep water, but this felt like a drowning pool.

Not sure what a drowning pool is, exactly?

LenaLena:

It's a pool for suicidal folks.

LenaLena:

There's too much boyishness in this book. :(

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "There's too much boyishness in this book. :("

I was just thinking that. I'm choking on it. Even when the word "boyish" isn't actually said and they are just acting like 15 year olds.

LenaLena:

The speed with which Talon falls for Liam reminds me of Space Escapes. Another quality book.

Kate:

I missed SE. Although you tried to correct that.

LenaLena:

I did my best. I can't help it if you missed out anyway. Your loss.

I DNF'd the shit out of that though.

Apparently his attraction for Liam is going to kill him. *flips frantically to ch. 3 to find out what happens to the erection*

LenaLena:

Now, now, children. No arguing about the chess game!

LenaLena:

Kate wrote: "Apparently his attraction for Liam is going to kill him. *flips frantically to ch. 3 to find out what happens to the erection*"

Whoa! We have achieved erection?

*flips even more frantically to try and catch up*

Kate:

How about no throwing chess pieces? *eyeroll*

Hurry up. You're missing the next PEWPEWPEW

LenaLena:

I'm there! PEWPEWPEW but no erections!

Kate:

Erection is later after Liam accidentally brushes his arm. That always does it for me, too. @@

LenaLena:

Oh yes, dem armz, baby!

LenaLena:

Death by erection. Awesome.

Kate:

I bet it's a "Fuck or Die" situation.

LenaLena:

That, or Talon is an omega about to go into heat. Let's see who wins this.

Kate:

Oh God. Baby Liam or Baby Talon? No. You'd better be wrong.

LenaLena:

He can't handle the shame of turning into an omega, hence the attempted suicide.

Mpreg would be the cherry on top.

Kate:

No mpreg, no knotting, no omega shit.

LenaLena:

Screw you. You're no fun. Mpreg is the only thing that can save this.

Space babieeeeeeeeeeees!

LenaLena:

Battle orgasms?

Interesting.

Kate:

I don't think Morrow knows what "coitus" means. You know, there are dictionaries and things.

I'm still seeing a fuck or die scenario...although 'heat' has been mentioned. Damn.

LenaLena:

'Heat' you say? *wrings hands in glee* Knotting here we come!

Kate:

Nope. I win. You will see.

LenaLena:

Ah, fuck it. *throws chess piece at Kate's head*

LenaLena:

I say we both win. It's fuck or die because the guy's in heat.

And no, Merrow does not know the meaning of the word coitus. Worse, she thinks we don't know it either.

Kate:

More of the "strong and sure and barbarically beautiful" stuff.

Also is this dubcon or noncon? Does that count in 'fuck or die'?

LenaLena:

Isn't all fuck or die dubcon by definition?

Kate:

Well sometimes it's just an excuse. :D

I don't know why we have pulsing manhoods. That seems so very het.

Kate:

Shimmering feelings are singing in his groin post orgasm. Maybe he's pregnant.

LenaLena:

The book can still be saved by space babies!

LenaLena:

His body is racked by something that wanted to be joy.

LenaLena:

Touch my sex. @@

Kate:

Liam seems surprisingly okay with all this. How does that make any sense?

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "Touch my sex. @@"

Yeah, that and pulsing manhoods are too much. Sex is pretty much her euphemism of choice.

LenaLena:

Love? Yes he loved him. He had fallen in without quite knowing it.

I swear this is a direct quote from Space Escapes.

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "Love? Yes he loved him. He had fallen in without quite knowing it.

I swear this is a direct quote from Space Escapes."

Amazing what a little sex will do for a grown man. Did Morrow write Space Escapes? *goes off to look*

ETA: Nope. Must be her alter ego.

LenaLena:

He hasn't even gotten off yet. He only gave the dude 2 handjobs. Hey, presto: Lurve!

LenaLena:

His brain just disintegrated in a welter of sexuality.

Mine just disintegrated from purple prose.

Jenn:

i just woke up from epic nap and am dying laughing at this convo. this book sounds shitastic.

Kate:

He's a selfless giver.

LenaLena:

Kate wrote: "He's a selfless giver."

Must come with the boyishness, I suppose.

Kate:

Jenn wrote: "i just woke up from epic nap and am dying laughing at this convo. this book sounds shitastic."

It's awesome Jenn. You should have joined us. If only for the booze.

LenaLena:

Talon has had like 4 orgasms and Liam goes to sleep without one? What kind of relationship is this? Besides unbelievable.

Kate:

Purple stuff. "I'm the only one who can." His deep voice thrilled like a touch.

Kate:

LenaLena wrote: "Talon has had like 4 orgasms and Liam goes to sleep without one? What kind of relationship is this? Besides unbelievable."

Liam is obviously undersexed. But you already knew that about Cruise.

LenaLena:

Liam was the sunlight, he was the air.

This book is so fucking purple it's ultraviolet.

LenaLena:

Kate wrote: "LenaLena wrote: "Talon has had like 4 orgasms and Liam goes to sleep without one? What kind of relationship is this? Besides unbelievable."

Liam is obviously undersexed. But you already knew..."

Right. Because all his sex is for Scientology.

Kate:

More space invaders and Liam doesn't get an O the next morning either. Poor guy.

LenaLena:

Handjob #5?

Kate:

The actual fucking was aborted by Talon's squeamishness, so I think it's 4-5 hand jobs and one BJ so far.

LenaLena:

The blaze tore open. Passion like shattered starlgiht surged with his pulse. A cry tore from him his throat and he came in molten spasms into Liam's hand.

Handjob #5 can be considered a success, anyway.

Purple Christ on a skateboard....

LenaLena:

PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!!!!

Kate:

Drifting clouds of purple: Beyond them stretched the enormous expanse of black eternity. Outside the islands of starlight lay perfect nothingness...Liam whispered into the boundless deep, "Talon".

LenaLena:

Correct me if I am wrong, but in space, where there is no friction, you can keep going indefinitely at the same speed once you have reached that speed. What is this 'not being able to come back' nonsense?

Sorry, but this part where Liam goes off into neverwhere makes no sense. Or less sense than the rest of the book, anyway.

LenaLena:

Bad science! Bad, bad science!

The crisis also lasts like a paragraph and a half. Not really enough to make an impact.

But Liam is finally getting off! So, yay, I guess.

Kate:

Oh barf: "His velvet-fringed gemstone eyes glittered wet."

LenaLena:

What is with the 'sweetheart's and the 'honey's? Does Liam really think emasculating the dude with the homosekshual crisis is going to make things better?

Kate:

Aha! A new one "feeling Liam's rigid passion". ALL the euphemisms. All of them.

LenaLena:

Talon felt his maleness on his own.

Yes. ALL the euphemisms.

Kate:

I might have to DNF from too much schmoop. 88% is close enuf, right?

LenaLena:

Come on! I am at 89% and there is like 7 min left!

SEVEN fucking minutes! Man up, bitch.

Kate:

Liam's passion spilled onto Talon's sex tingling like sunlight on a cold day...

That sounds like something is seriously weird with Liam's spunk.

And yes, coming all over someone is twu wuv.

LenaLena:

Oh my fucking god. I'm gonna vomit purple marshmallows now.

Kate:

I can't dooo ittttt.

Besides it just beeped a low battery warning at me. *quits in glee*

LenaLena:

But! But!

We're back with Ragsdale. FIVE minutes.

You suck.

Kate:

Oh very well bossyboots. I'll finish it on the computer. Yay for kindle reader.

LenaLena:

Crisis created and averted in 4 minutes! Yay for novellas!

Kate:

Hey. Self lubricating too.

Kate:

Amazingly fucking stupid purple book.

LenaLena:

Kate wrote: "Hey. Self lubricating too."

Told you he was an omega.

The purple just kept building and building.

Phenomal book. Thanks, Kate!

Kate:

This had Sex Pollen AND Fuck or Die. A two-fer.

LenaLena:

Actually, Talon

1) goes into heat
2) has a One True Mate
3) has a self-lubricating asshole

So this is Alpha/Omega-verse as well. It's a three fer.